i know your looking at this you fucking creep since i deleted you on everything else online. seriouslly get a fucking life, your scary. yeah keep reading my blog though because i dont know what your life would be without reading my shit.
herbert says hi and thinks your a creep and a punk weeeerd
This started by me contemplating taking a train to Virginia or Massachuesttes or anywhere but here. I’ve locked myself in my room with my laptop and have smoked 7 newport 100’ ciggarettes. Constant music playing followed by the ocasional ring of my cell-phone. Myabee I just want a change or am going crazy from being stagnant or perhaps the argument started something new, re-surfaced old feelings. The prozac in my system is fading away, maybe I am sabotaging myself or perhaps I just don’t care I stopped taking the pills and I will make my own recovery, make sense of things on my own not by a blue pill that is supposed to “fix me”. My brain is so scrambelled right now I can not really focus on anything, it’s like everything/everyone is moving and I am standing still trying to focus on something but I can not seem to. I am going to go pain maybee that will help.
ciggarettes, lots and lots of cigarettes and smoke forming in front of my face. chaped lips and warm lighters.
I have the worst lock-jaw ever it’s rather painful.
though it’s been a day the Coke is still fresh in my system.
Traces of white powder on my raw white nose and the intoxicating numbing feeling is crawling up my throat, itching, thirsting, fiending. Me and Rachel just layed there, she asked me which I like better the Intense beating of my heart and cold sweat or the utterlly numb feeling.I told her the numb feeling.”why does coke make me happy” “I dont know but it does and all i wanna do is be happy but it turns into one vicious cycle” I said to her.
She needs to come back soon, I need more and dont want to go another day without it.
i told you i would and i guess I will be here waiting, you’ll realize one day soon.
come and go.
make an appearance and then walk out.
come and go.
arrive and leave.
its ok I’m getting used to it, I mean it always hurts but it’s whatever I have my whole life ahead of me. some things just are not meant to work out and some are. everything will fall into place.
